God fearing or God loving , what’s your choice ?

I wished to cook something special for my dad, a special treat for a special person and was excited for the same. I shared this idea with my mom and she suggested me few dishes and finally I decided and started preparing . My mom immediately came up with the exact recipe and insisted me to follow it closely so that I do not make any kind of error and the dish turns out to be absolutely perfect. I appreciated the effort put in by my mom to make sure I get all the success in my task but at the same time I had this thought in my mind that what if after putting all these efforts I end up spoiling this dish  ? What if it does not end up like how my mom expected it to be ? Is it like my dad is going to judge me how much I love and respect him on the basis of this dish ? Is it that the relationship between us will no longer remain the same because the taste was not up to the mark? Certainly not, relationship between me and my dad is above all these materialistic things and nothing on this planet can change It, definitely not. Then why this fear ? Why am I so bothered when the bonding is so strong and I know that my dad will see the feelings and love for him and not only the taste and presentation ? Obviously I would give my best and would make sure that he enjoys it but ultimately we all are humans and things can go wrong, right ?

This is exactly how we think when we pray to our God. We get into the details of following the correct process and get so much involved in it that it makes us God fearing, we often tend to forget that the pioneer of any prayer is a good intention and a loving heart. Nothing is beyond good intention and faith towards our beloved God. Yes, a process is designed and it’s highly appreciated if we follow the exact process and preach our God but at the same time its equally important to know that failing to follow a process but still having a good intention is not at all a wrong prayer. In fact no prayer can be wrong any time . No boundaries of process can stop any one at any point of time to connect with your God. We need to remember that these process are designed to make us feel close to God and in case if we fail to follow the process but still feel the same closeness  towards the God it means we are on a right path. It is good to be God fearing but it’s even better to be God loving.  We need to love our God and when there is love there is no fear.

Bonding are always above any process or any specific methodology be it with our parents, siblings, friends or even God. As long as the intentions and faith is strong nothing can go wrong, ever.

Live life the way you wish Girl !!!

How does it feel when you are not accepted the way you are ? Or let me put it this way, how does it feel when you are asked to alter yourself to fit in the criteria of someone else, as if, you yourself does not have your own identity, yes identity, my first identity is how I look, I may not be the so called perfect photoshoped  model that world sees on the cover page of magazines but whatever I am I have accepted myself and I am proud of myself. Just because I am dusky, skinny or obese, short or not so superbly crafted by nature does not make me less then anyone else in this universe. Incase if people have forgotten, everyone irrespective of his outer personality has a right to live the way ‘they’ wish to, and are not required by other people to be judged. They have a right to live carefree, not worrying about how people will look and think about them and they have all the rights to enjoy themselves.
If I am not good looking, or sorry if I may not fit in your criteria of so called good looking girl that is absolutely your problem World, I am not here to please anyone, I m here to live my life on my terms, I am here to live my life the way I want to. Yes I am dusky and I do not wish to spend my time working only on how to look fairer then my actual complexion because I do not care what you feel about me. Yes I am obese and I still wish to eat all what I like and wear all that I love wearing, because I am born with a purpose to enjoy the life gifted by God to me and I do not owe this to you World.
This is the level of confidence I wish to see in each and every female of our society and then I want to see how many people would dare to judge any female. Somewhere, it’s us who gives them this chance to make us feel low when we ourselves do not accept us the way we are. For the world to accept us, the first thing that we need to do is accept ourselves. We have worked hard to create an identity of ourselves working hard at home, at work and given our best at every point of time. We have many more things that makes us precious like our talent to work in corporate world and yet strike a wonderful balance between our personal and professional lives. Our outer beauty alone cannot justify our identity. If the world wants to judge they need to see the inner and outer qualities before passing the judgement, else stay away. We females are strong enough to handle our lives beautifully without judgmental people surrounding us.  

Life always gives a second chance, so grab it !!!

Just a week was left and I was all set to marry Ria and start our new life. I got a text from her “ I need to meet you Shyam”. It was a simple court marriage we had planned for. Later in the evening we met at our regular coffee shop, same place where it all started for the first time. She was in a different mood, I missed the excitement and happiness in her eyes that normally any girl would have when she is so close to her wedding day. She was not comfortable, something was bothering her too much.“I am done, I cant take it anymore.” She complained, “ what's wrong, what you cannot take anymore?” I asked, “You” she said, “ I cant marry you,  we are just not made for each other, we are not compatible”. She said all this in one go, as if she wanted to get rid of me and I was holding her back . She had high career aspirations and was doing extremely well in her career. We both were successful in our career in “our own way”.  Yes, what I mean by our own way is that we had a different definition to achieve our goals, but little was I aware that this would come in between our relationship shattered me to the core.

Post completion of my engineering and MBA I started working for an American MNC. I always wanted to be my own boss, hence started my own venture, but it takes time to settle when you move out of your comfort zone and start something of your own. Yes it was a risk and I was ready for it, probably she was not. We were dating each other since 2 years, things were good at start but I noticed her insecurities when I discussed my plan to start my own venture but I ignored it and assumed things will be fine as time would pass, also, I was confident about my skills and talent to start my business. This is what was making her insecure. Insecurities, fear was understood, but a drastic step of break up for this reason was difficult for me to digest. Time and again I was thinking the same thing that she did not trust my capabilities and my talent to handle things. It was all over, I tried to convince her, explained her but guess she had made up her mind and nothing was left for me to do . I had to let her go.

The date skipped from the calendar just as a casual day and many more such dates skipped , months and later a year. Her last words were still hitting my mind and this made me hard like a stone. My concentration was only at my work. My mom, who is a single parent insisted me to get married and got tons of proposals but I denied as the thought of getting into a relationship itself was stressful for me. I always had an opinion that knowing someone well in advance is better then getting into a pure arranged marriage, but after all what had happened I had lost interest in knowing someone and moreover I had lost interest in the concept of marriage, because all I believed in did not happen.

After lots of discussions and arguments with mom about me to settle down finally I agreed for an arranged marriage. I agreed to marry Kavya.  This was a new beginning of our Life, we hardly knew each other, we met for good 2to 3 times and things were final. There was just one thing I told her “ Its a new relationship we are starting with, I am ok to tell you my past before we go ahead, but, I do not wish to carry any kind of baggage in my new relationship.”  She said, “ Lets start on a fresh note, let us both not discuss about past , lets not dig it, instead, speak only about present and future”. I asked her “you would be spending your entire life with me, dont you wish to be aware about all what I was in past ?” she replied , “ We both have lived our life separately till now, we have met so many people in our life, we must have had so many good and bad moments and we have handled it in our own way. Rather then knowing about what could have happen, what went wrong and why were we not able to change it will make no difference to our present life, so why to start knowing about each other with past and judge each other.  I am sure we have many more good things to discuss and know each other rather then discussing all that’s gone and not a part of our Life anymore.” I loved this attitude of her. One thing I understood from her is things are never permanent in life be it good, bad or worst. It’s all on us about how we look at it. I loved the way Kavya took efforts for our relationship and that made me do more to make it stronger. I forgot Ria. She was a closed chapter for me, not only in my life but also in my mind. Since it was not love marriage in the beginning what worked out for us is the trust, respect and positive approach. Love followed eventually.

Today we have a five years old daughter and things are good. I have understood that It does not matter since how long you have been knowing each other and it’s not always true that strangers cannot be good partners. For every relationship the correct approach,  acceptance of the person as they are, trust and positivity is all that matters. This creates a bond which would never fade. I have no regret for all that happened because I would have never got a chance to meet a gem like Kavya who brought so much of positivity in my life and I firmly believe all that happens, happens for a reason.